


Love and Pain

by CommonFan



Category: Coco (2017)
Genre: Affection, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Depressing, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommonFan/pseuds/CommonFan
Summary: Hector and Ernesto. Ernesto and Hector. Them two against the world. They were unstoppable. But when Hector dies, Ernesto can’t deal with the pain. He lets out the pain in unhealthy ways, because Hector? Hector was his best friend and his first love as well.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this Alternative Universe Hector never met Imelda. Also this is going to be a gay fanfic, Don’t like? Don’t read. Thanks, Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations are at the end of the chapter.

They performed beautifully, _only_ when they were together. Without Ernesto, Hector wouldn’t really be payed attention to. He is tall, skinny, and lanky. But Ernesto? _He_ was a work of art, flirty, and could make any woman or man easily fall in love. Even Hector. And without Hector? Ernesto wouldn’t have any songs to perform, he’s amazing when it comes to singing, no doubt, however, he lacks the creativity of a song writer. He felt lucky to have someone as creative as Hector on his side. Hector was always good at songwriting, and Ernesto always thought it was because Hector is ambidextrous. His whole brain must’ve been at work at all times. Ernesto didn’t really want to admit it but he found this man **really** attractive.

_But anyway._

They finished performing and walked off stage happily.

“You did great, _amigo_! As always.” Ernesto exclaimed.

“And I couldn’t have done it without your help, of course.” Hector smiled at his best friend.

Oh, there it was again.. that beautiful smile that made Ernesto’s heart flutter. He smiled back, before taking in his surroundings. Backstage was mostly empty except for a few boxes here and there, and a couch. He decided to sit down and Hector sat beside him. Only here they had time to think of how they felt for each other. Hector realised that he felt jealousy when he saw other people with Ernesto, how lucky they were.. Ernesto always thought that even though Hector was tall and skinny he could move his body in incredible ways. Almost like a woman. He was a great dancer, he could sway his hips gracefully and maybe Ernesto was the only one who would watch him like that. Whenever the two got drunk they’d “accidentally” say something flirty. Whenever they were drunk they used it as an excuse to lean against each other. Once while they were drunk they kissed, but they both pretended they didn’t remember, in fear of the other getting freaked out. Little did they know they felt the same.

It all leads to the same question.

Who would take the first move?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amigo: Friend (usually addressing a male)


	2. A Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s see what happens after a drink.. or maybe two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There won’t be any smut in this chapter.  
> ————  
> Translations are at the end of the chapter.

“Oye..want to go out for a drink?” Ernesto failed to sound carefree. He would ask this a lot, and when he asked he usually didn’t seem nervous in any way. Hector noticed this, but pushed it aside.

“Sure, vamos.”

The walk there was quiet, not a _very_ rare occurrence, but it _definitely_ didn’t happen too often, either. 

“Is there something on your mind, Ernesto?” Hector turned his head to the left, looking at his friend. Ernesto looked at him for a split second.

“Hm.. _not really_.” he looked at the ground of the alley they walked in.

“De verdad? You’re bad at lying.” Hector chuckled and smiled at his friend, “Alright, que mujer is walking around in that mind of yours now?”

“Woman..”

“It is a woman.. _right_?” Hector secretly hoped he would say no.. that it was him.. but the chances of that were slim... right?

“Of course it is a woman, what else would it be?” he chuckled, but it was dry.

“Right, of course. Well who is it?”

Ernesto ignored him and held the door of the bar open. Hector sort of glared at him but decided to step inside, thanking him through a mumble. Ernesto followed close behind and followed him to a seat at the bar.

The bartender approached and asked what they wanted, they each asked for a shot of tequila. [Sorrynotsorry]

They drank in silence for about fifteen minutes, but it only felt like a few seconds. Ernesto must’ve been drunk by now, Hector was in the middle of sober and tipsy.

“About that.. woman... she’s amazing. I’ve known her for a while.. a _long_ while...”

For Hector this was odd, Ernesto didn’t know anyone for very long, at least not a woman. Maybe that’s what Ernesto did when he ran errands, he may have slipped by the woman’s house or seen her somehow.

“Go on.”

“She has messy hair that almost reaches her shoulders, an amazing voice and a strange nose. But I love it.”

“Oh, really?”

“Do you want to know his name?”

“His?”

“It’s not a woman, Hector. It’s a man.”

It all slowly sank in and Hector only waited in silence for the name to come out. His name.

“His name is Hector. Hector Rivera. Y lo amo..I love him..” Ernesto said, sighing softly, his head resting against Hector’s shoulder gently. Hector felt his breath hit his neck, it was warm.

He sighed quietly, smiling. “I love you too, Ernesto.”

“De verdad?” he whispered, almost as if he were scared to speak in a regular tone.

“Of course, Hey.. look at me.” Ernesto lifted his head slowly, not expecting what would come next. Hector leant in and pressed his lips against the other’s carefully, almost afraid that he would hurt him by accident. He didn’t care that there were many people at the bar... Ernesto didn’t seem to care either, since he kissed back, or maybe it was cause he was drunk.. but who cares?

Ernesto turned so that the kiss would be less uncomfortable, and gently wrapped an arm around Hector’s small waist, his other gently stroking his messy hair.

After a minute they pulled back.

Hector’s big brown eyes had a calm, happy look. Ernesto’s were a bit widened, but overall there was a small grin on his face. Ernesto, although super drunk, paid for everything and they made their way home.. Thoughts suddenly came through Hector’s mind. Ernesto was drunk.. he won’t remember _anything_.. It was all just a _misunderstanding_.. Ernesto was intoxicated after all.. but most importantly..

Did Ernesto _really_ love him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oye: Listen or Hey (usually used to catch someone’s attention)  
> Vamos: Let’s go  
> ¿De verdad?:Really? or Seriously? (Depends on tone)  
> Mujer: Woman  
> Y: and  
> Lo amo: I love him   
> (To address a female it would be “La amo”)


	3. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth? Truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, no smut. But there is fluffiness.
> 
> Translations are at the end of the chapter

 Ernesto woke with a head ache. He groaned quietly and looked over at Hector. He slept peacefully, and to Ernesto, he looked.. cute. He realised they were both still in their formal clothes, and sighed, _no wonder_ his body felt horrible. After changing into something more comfortable he walked over to the taller man, taking his jacket and shoes off for him. Hector didn’t seem to mind.. or even notice. This was strange, since he usually woke up so easily. He shrugged it off and stepped into the kitchen to cook something.

Alone in the kitchen Ernesto had time to think about what occurred last night. He smiled to himself, glad that he finally admitted everything to Hector. He was glad, even though he was drunk while it happened.

Ernesto hummed softly to himself, smirking a bit when he heard a familiar voice humming along. Two skinny arms wrapped around his waist and he turned the stove off, before turning around to look into Hector’s eyes.

“It’s about time you woke up.”

”Ay, give me a break. Food smells good.” 

“It will be good too.” Ernesto said as he watched Hector fetch some plates from a high cupboard. 

“You’re lucky you’re so tall.” he commented.

”You’re lucky you’re so pretty.” Hector replied.

After they ate, Ernesto watched as Hector wrote in the songbook, he sat next to him. Hector looked up from the small red book and looked into his best friend’s eyes. He admired Ernesto’s face. Long eyelashes, brown eyes that were almost a perfect size, his small mustache, and of course, his lips. Soft, tender and sweet.. he smiled and scribbled stuff into the song book. Although Ernesto was right there, he couldn’t see what Hector wrote.

“What I said ,last night, was true.”

”Que bueno.” Hector smiled and gently kissed his cheek. Ernesto felt his heart melting. He felt like he was the luckiest person alive! 

“Te quiero, te quiero _mucho_.” Ernesto said and smirked a bit, trying to push the song book out of Hector’s grasp. He thought he needed a little distraction.

“¡ _Oye_! Estoy usando eso.” Hector exclaimed. 

“Yo sé.” Ernesto simply replied. “You need a break.. _we_ need a break from music for a little bit.” He watched Hector sigh and nod. 

“What do you have in mind?”

“Come here.” Ernesto reached out to him and Hector stood up and sat on Ernesto’s lap, blushing ever so slightly.. 

“Now what?” 

Ernesto took time to run his fingers into Hector’s tousled hair, then down to his shoulders.

“I need you to relax, your muscles are stiff..” he felt Hector slowly calm down and smiled, his hands gently trailing towards his skinny waist, holding him gently, carefully, as if he were a treasure.. Ernesto made eye contact and gently kissed the other’s cheek, before softly kissing his neck only a few times, Hector grunted slightly, his breath hitching every time Ernesto placed a gentle kiss on his neck. They shared a few kisses here and there. And finally they simply hugged each other, holding each other with their tightest hug. 

Ernesto was going to get up but realised that Hector fell asleep in his arms. It wasn’t even very late, this was odd, Hector was usually a night owl. He shrugged it off and picked him up bridal style, glad that he was so light. He easily reached the room and laid him down gently. 

Ernesto remembered the song book and went to go get it from the table to read the new song. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ay: Usually means yes but could simply be a noise of answer, approval, or discontent   
> Que bueno: That’s good, or simply, good  
> Te quiero: I love you/ I want you  
> Mucho: A lot  
> Oye: Hey / Listen (Here it stands for Hey)  
> Estoy usando eso: I’m using that  
> Yo sé: I know


	4. Hidden Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new song has a message.. one that hurts like hell.

Ernesto approached the table that held the small red book that contained all the songs they sang, and even some that they never spoke of. He picked it up and flipped to the latest used page. For some reason, the texture felt different, almost like whoever wrote it was shaking the whole time. Scared. But that wasn’t how Hector seemed earlier, he looked happy. But maybe that was a lie, maybe he wasn’t happy at all.

Ernesto pushed the thought aside and began to read the lyrics: 

_Oh my love, how it hurts_

_to tell you of the worst_

_I couldn’t say it with words so I wrote it as song_

_I’m sorry to say that I’ve thrown it all away_

_We can’t continue like this anymore_

_Even as I look into your big brown eyes, even as I smile through the lies_

_I’m so sorry that I’m still trying, I’m sorry_ _that it’s not a normal day no more because_

_I think that I’m dying_

 

> He felt his heart clenching.. what did this mean? Dying? What could he be dying of? He remembered that currently a lot of people in Mexico were catching some type of disease. Something like _pneumonia_.. 

But Hector? Why Hector? He didn’t deserve something like this!

Ernesto sighed and closed the book, wishing that he just waited for Hector to sing the song to him, but no.. He always read new songs without Hector’s permission. Damn Ernesto, always so nosy. But usually it was really easy to act like he never read the song in the first place.. But this song? This song felt like too much.

He felt his bottom lip quiver and tried to get rid of the lump in his throat.

 **’It’s just a song** ’ He thought to himself, and took a deep breath.

After the emotional trauma slightly subsided, Ernesto decided it was best to go to sleep and forget about it. Ernesto quietly made his way back into the room and laid beside Hector. Sleep didn’t come. Instead, he laid on his side and admired Hector. When he slept he couldn’t see his beautiful eyes, but at least he could see his long eyelashes, and his strange nose. He loved that nose. Hector’s shaggy hair fell over his face slightly and Ernesto moved it away carefully, before planting a kiss on his forehead. That’s when he realised that he must’ve had a fever, his forehead burned, his cheeks were pink, his breath was faint.

_**Something was definitely wrong.** _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will hurt you emotionally
> 
> Shout out to one of my beloved family members for giving me incredibly depressing ideas that are used in this chapter thoughtfully. 
> 
> Translations are at the end.

It all happened so fast, suddenly jolting awake to the sound of _coughing_ , looking over to see his friend.. so weak. Ernesto  didn’t remember when exactly he fell asleep. 

“¿Héctor?...” he shuffled over and put a hand on his back to support him, after a few moments the coughing subsided. 

“Me duele...” Hector mumbled. Ernesto couldn’t reply, for the pain made him choke on his dreadful words. So he hugged Hector tightly and rubbed his back in reassuring circles. 

“Ernesto? You’re shaking.” Hector commented. Ernesto knew. He knew he was shaking, trembling in fear. Hector pulled back to look at him. His eyebrows angled upward in sadness, to see Ernesto so _vulnerable_ , so _**hurt**_. It was all his fault. Hector felt like a curse.

“Ernesto... no llores, por favor.” he wiped the older man’s tears away and pulled him back into a hug. He became aware of how horrible he felt. He felt weak, feverish and in pain. His chest hurt.. _a lot._ But he didn’t want to admit that in front of Ernesto, who was already in silent tears. So he smiled at him, loosened up, and kissed his cheek.

“Mi amor, I will be fine! Everyone gets sick sometimes.”

Ernesto forgot that Hector did not yet know he read the song. He also wasn’t ready to admit it. So he nodded, and his mouth smiled, but not his eyes. 

Ernesto decided to change the subject.

Hector decided to act like everything was fine. 

They were a great team, _even when they weren’t trying to be._

They just wanted a regular conversation, so what better place to go to than the bar?

They found themselves in their usual seats, laughing, talking normally about things that really didn’t matter. Hector decided to order their drinks. 

“Two shots of-“ he suddenly paused, the bartender waited patiently. Ernesto watched expectedly. It almost felt like the whole bar had their eyes glued to him. Hector let out a quiet cough, then followed by a louder one. He stood up, slouching over with his hands on his mouth. Now everyone really was staring at him. He ran past everyone, weakly pushing his way towards the bathroom. People began moving out of the way for him, he was sick. Pale. Ernesto followed. People began blocking his path, now he lost sight of him! He had to know if he was okay! He had to! 

“¡Muevense, chingados! I have to see him!” he pushed through in a rush and finally reached the bathroom. Ernesto barged in and found Hector coughing into the sink. He quietly gasped as small drops of blood were the only thing he was coughing out. 

Hector looked up at him, trembling, and suddenly lurched forward onto Ernesto, who caught him carefully and tried to steady him. But Hector’s body was limp. He had passed out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me duele: It hurts  
> No llores, por favor: Please don’t cry  
> (In the Spanish version of ‘Remember Me’, this is used instead of “Don’t let it make you cry” and I loved it, so, here we are.)  
> Mi amor: My love  
> !Muevense chingados!: Fucking move!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven’t updated, been busy.  
> Translations are at the end, if you want me to put them in the beginning just comment.

“What’s wrong?”

Not wanting to let go of Hector as the doctors took him away.

Not seeing him for 4 hours.

Being told that Hector does, in fact, have pneumonia. Told that Hector doesn’t seem like he has much time left.

“Nothing..” Ernesto mumbled.

“When can we go home?”

“When the doctors say so. You should rest, Hector.”

Hector closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them again, “You know, it’s weird here. You’re not laying beside me to keep me warm!” He smiled at Ernesto. Ernesto felt a stinging in his chest... after Hector was gone, he wouldn’t see that sweet smile of his.. he wouldn’t get to hold him and kiss him or stroke his long hair, he wouldn’t be able to stare at his face and get lost in his features.

“Come here.” Hector requested. Ernesto snapped out of his thoughts and obeyed, scooting over, as close as he possibly could, to the hospital bed. He leant over and rested his head on Hector’s lap gently. Hector ruffled his hair, smiling. Then he closed his eyes to wait for sleep. Ernesto began thinking about their very first kiss.

————————————

That night...They arrived home and clumsily made their way into the bedroom. Before they knew it Ernesto was laying down with Hector on top of him, they faced each other, blushing and confused. Ernesto briefly looked down at Hector’s lips and as if Hector were reading his mind, he kissed him softly. Hector’s lips were nice and gentle. Ernesto was waiting.. waiting for _so long_ to just hold him and claim him.. He was drunk, and a bit, er... lustful. So he deepened the kiss as he ran his hand up Hector’s inner thigh. Hector clearly stiffened and let out a choppy exhale of approval. Ernesto smirked into the kiss and slipped his tongue into Hector’s mouth, exploring it as Hector’s cheeks bloomed with blush. After another minute, or so, they pulled away, breathing heavily, blushing deeply. Drunk. And happy too. They both seemed to forget the next day.

———————————

“Hector?”

“Hm?..”

“Do you remember our very first kiss?”

“When we were drunk and kissed for the very first time, you mean?”

“I thought you forgot.”

“I thought you did too.”

Ernesto lifted his head slightly to look at Hector, a smile on his face.

“What?”

“Did you like it?”

“Of course I did.. you have some good tongue kissing skills.”

Ernesto blushed lightly and chuckled softly, “You really think so?”

“Hm.. actually, I’m starting to forget what your tongue kisses are like.. Maybe you should refresh my memory.” Hector winked at him. Ernesto was slightly caught off guard by Hector’s flirtatiousness, usually he did all the sweet talking. But he had to admit, he liked it. He leant in and kissed Hector gently, only for a few seconds though.

“You really should rest.. maybe some other time, somewhere more private, no?” Ernesto suggested.

Hector only nodded, “Don’t leave though.. okay?”

“Está bien.. I won’t.” Ernesto stated. He watched Hector fall asleep and all he could think of were the times when he and Hector would walk around the plaza in Santa Cecilia as kids. Every time they would play a game where they would sing song lyrics and the other guesses what the song was. As teenagers they would point out the most attractive person at the plaza and try to guess their name. It was always Hector pointing out women.

“Why don’t you point someone out today, Ernesto?” Hector suggested one day. Ernesto wasn’t very excited... Hector didn’t know that he liked men, after all, but he knew that the worst he could do was call him a joto.. Even worse, though? Hector was really the only cute guy he saw there, everyone else was old and gross. He was about to point at Hector, about to reveal his secret to him. But he faltered, and pointed at a random women. She was... really ugly.

“I bet her name is Juanita.” he mumbled.

Ernesto smiled to himself when he remembered those times... Hector was his best friend. Hector was his first and only love.

Ernesto didn’t want to say goodbye. He didn’t want to lose him... because the moment that Hector is gone, he loses half of himself.

He would lose not only everything, **but his will to live too.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Está bien: Okay / It’s okay


	7. Demons

Getting home was.. interesting. Hector had a harder time walking than he expected, but he made it. Ernesto didn’t seem very concerned, but towards the end it began showing a bit. He told Hector he’d carry him if he liked, Hector only shook his head.

“I can still walk, you know.” He said, smiling, hoping that was enough to convince him. And it was, really. Hector was good at singing and dancing..and his acting? Probably his third best skill. He really appreciated Ernesto’s attempt though. He considered it charming, really. Ernesto was pretty strong, and he wouldn’t complain about being held by him, but he wanted to convince himself that he wasn’t about to die... He pretended to be asleep while the doctor explained the time he had left to Ernesto. All they said was that they didn’t know for sure, so he could drop dead at any given second, and no one would see it coming. Not even himself.

As soon as they arrived, Hector rushed towards their room and sat down onto the bed immediately, he was exhausted. Extremely exhausted. He would never admit it to Ernesto though.

”Need anything?” Ernesto asked, peeping his head into the room.

”Agua, por favor?” Hector managed to say through a dry throat.

Ernesto nodded and went away.

Hector sighed quietly, laid down on his back and began to think. How long he has come wasn’t really long at all. He was only twenty one, after all. He felt like slapping himself for every time he called himself viejo. He wasn’t. Not even close. To think that he wasted so much time, worrying. He was glad he wasted most of it with Ernesto though. Still, every memory he had made him want to slam his head against something, what was he thinking? He worried about the dumbest things!

He got up and made his way to the bathroom. He didn’t need to use it, he simply stared at himself in the mirror. He always worried about how he could get hurt at any time. At random moments he was afraid someone would shoot him, or that someone would attempt to rob him. Even with Ernesto around, he was always on edge. All he did was waste time. Now he wasn’t any different, he was wasting it thinking of when he would die. Stupid. Stupid idiot!

“Estupido idiota!” his mouth was dry, but he managed to yell at himself, staring into that mirror. His vision blurred slightly and he inhaled sharply, painfully. He attempted to breathe out but all that managed to escape was a sob. An ugly sob. Ugly like he felt. He turned away from the mirror so that he wouldn’t see himself cry. Crying didn’t happen much with him. He made his pain become jokes and smiles. Crying. It really hurt this time because of how fucked up his lungs were, but he dealt with it. He looked up when Ernesto suddenly barged in.

“Estás bien?” Ernesto asked, he set down the glass of water he brought for Hector. Hector was glad to have long hair that covered his face. Ernesto approached him and moved his hair away gently. It took him time to process what exactly he was looking at. “Hector... you’re crying.” Ernesto said, almost surprised. “What’s wrong? Were you yelling at yourself?” his voice wasn’t exactly soft, it was asking for answers. Hector’s face told him everything though. Ernesto read Hector like a book sometimes. He sighed and pulled Hector into a tight hug. “You are not stupid.. you are no idiot.” He spoke confidently, like he knew what he was saying was true. As usual. “Who told you those things?” He asked defensively, “I’ll beat him up..”

”I told myself that, Ernesto...” Hector sighed. Ernesto looked at him, surprised.

“That’s how you feel about yourself? But Hector. You are...wow. How can I even say this? You’re such a beautiful man. You’re funny, you can sing. You can dance. You’re so smart and talented. I would not change any of that if I could. I love you, Hector Rivera.”

God damn! The way Ernesto delivered all of that was perfect. Spoken gorgeously and confidently. Hector was jealous of Ernesto. Ernesto was jealous of Hector. But that’s how they worked. Hector buried his face into Ernesto’s hair, he was still tall after all, and sometimes it made him sad that he couldn’t bury his face into Ernesto’s chest and feel protected.

“I love you too, Ernesto...” he mumbled. They really did love each other. They knew each other since they were children, they were all each other had after their parents were gone. Ernesto’s abandoned him, Hector’s were dead. So they helped each other for most of each other’s lives. They did have bad days too, but usually one of Hector’s jokes or one of Ernesto’s heartwarming sentences made it all better. Hector snapped out of his thinking when Ernesto kissed his cheek and pulled back from the hug.

“You need rest... ” he said to Hector and lead him towards the bedroom, the glass of water in his hand. The other sat on the bed and looked up at Ernesto. He took the glass of water and mumbled, “Gracias.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agua: Water  
> Por favor: Please  
> Viejo: Old (addressing a male)  
> Estupido: Stupid/Dumb Ass  
> Idiota: Idiot   
> Estás bien: Are you okay?  
> Gracias: Thank you


	8. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while, sorry. 
> 
> The next chapters will be more about coping methods. Good and bad.  
> Current method: Diary/Journal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8- Part 1

_I knew Hector would die sooner or later. But I didn’t expect today. I didn’t expect that the last time he spoke to me was to thank me. He was thanking me because I brought him water for his dry throat. But for some reason I think he knew that would be his last conversation with me. Like in reality he was thanking me for a lot more than just the water. When we went to bed he didn’t say anything. I think he knew that would be his last and final breath. A relaxed one, in a deep sleep._

_I haven’t cried._

_Is that bad? It’s like I’m not sad. I’m not anything. I’m just so shocked and my mind has taken this loss so badly that my heart can’t take dealing with the pain._

_So instead it blocked everything out._

_I never thought going numb was possible. But now I know._

_Now I know the pain of not feeling anything at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s short, I know. 
> 
>  
> 
> I’m sorry.


End file.
